I think I’m completely inept when it comes to flirting.
It’s not like I don’t try. I just don’t succeed. No one but me can tell that I’m flirting, and I simply come off as one of the sweetest people ever.
Don’t get me wrong. I really am that sweet. My friends know this. But being really nice doesn’t count as flirting apparently.
Let’s face it: I know I have problems with flirting. I started this blog as the most indirect way of flirting ever. I never found out if it actually worked, but I doubt it.
Some days, I think my problem could be solved with the perfect black dress. Or several glasses of whiskey. Several in a short period of time.
Luckily, I know to avoid flirting guides like this one. I mean, at least that’s a start, right?
Some of you have these skills, I’m sure of it. Won’t you be a darling and give me some advice? Maybe tell me a good story or two?
{first image by Ben Blood Photography via Happiness Is, second image here}
I’m super flirty by nature. I’m pretty sure the whole world thinks I want to make out with it.
I think winks are the PERFECT flirting supplement. It makes my heart melt when a boy (especially my husband) winks at me.
I also think that friendly competition can be super flirty – maybe that would take you out of your “sweet” zone and into the sassy zone. I feel like citing specific examples is so very Cosmo but just to give you some examples it could be anything from rooting for a different basketball team to seeing who can make a better pizza from scratch.
Good luck, friend!
Dear Brandi,
I’m worthless when it comes to flirting. Like you, I’m really nice, but I’m also sarcastic and goofy so I would always make fun of the guys I liked growing up. As further evidence that I’m also inept in the flirting department, Jon was only my boyfriend. It wasn’t as if I wasn’t boy crazy, because I was, but I guess Jon was the only guy who actually reciprocated my flirting (or verbal sarcastic beatings). I think the guy who you fall in love with and marry, will hopelessly love your genuinely kind natured personality and skip over the flirtatious games portion. Don’t get me wrong, it’s super fun, sure, but it’s also a short lived period of infatuation. I’ll get off my soap box now.
Oh I can’t say that I’m the best flirt… but I think the best advice is catching an extra second of eye contact with a sweet smile is always fun. Past that, I don’t much know what to do. I also don’t know if that ever worked… but I like to think it did. Some of my favorite moments with one of my ex-boyfriends involved little glances and smiles. I highly recommend.
*kate
Haha, I love this post!! I can honestly say I’m very similar to you.
I’m quite hopeless in this department as well. Possibly as I’m quite awkward and shy, and that combo doesn’t typically bode well.
I think I might just have to stalk the comments here… I need help too!
i totally know what you mean! i am the same way! i think i am soo awkward when flirting! it prob looks like im trying too hard or else i end up being too shy!!
oh Brandi, my friend, you ARE sweet! don’t change your overall sweetness, just try to add in a bit of mystery too. A slight touch on their arm, a little batting of the eyes, leaving before they get to know you too well, but leaving them wanting more. ..
I was never good at this either, but when I wanted tyler, I did my best to flirt and make him notice me. but he was too nervous to flirt or even talk back. ha! but look where that got us
we’ll practice flirting when you make the move to NYC
Hm. Flirting is tricky business, isn’t? I hate to say it but it’s all about confidence. And your idea about several glasses of whiskey wouldn’t hurt either (I find I am a much more skilled flirt after a few cocktails). And you can always fall back on the old first grade model of flirting – tease them! It usually works. And any physical contact is good. I mean don’t go over the top with it but a pat on the arm or the leg can send a pretty solid message. And eye contact!
I cannot flirt to save my life, but being sweet never stopped me from getting the boys I wanted (and some that I didn’t want). I’m a firm believer in them falling in love with you for you whether “you” are flirty, awkward, sweet, or even naturally mean!
I am absolutely terrible. Can’t flirt and don’t realise when someone else is. I was once asked for me phone number by a sales assistant to which I replied ‘What do you need my number for?’ Uh… to call you to ask you out?!? Not one of my finer moments. We both left the shop area fairly awkwardly. Oops!
Oh my gosh Brandi, that poster made me laugh out loud! I am afraid I am not the one to offer advice. My poor husband was confused for most of our dating relationship. I felt like I was flirting and he was questioning if I even liked him or not! ha! I was so used to being an independent girl and just nice to everyone, so no guys really ever knew if I was crushin’ or not.
I say, if its the right guy, he won’t give up on you, and hopefully will be able to read into your actions a little better than the average.
oh MAN, i know.
YIKES. for sure. i bet you and i could rival in our inability to flirt-ness.
i know the feeling and i’ll throw my awkwardness toward you if it helps.
You are funny…it’s easy, just be yourself
xo
oh gosh, I’m the same exact way. Way too sweet for my own good, ha! I’m also a really easy laugher/sarcastic, etc. so I tease a lot. But the teasing comes across sweet, not flirty
I have given up in despair, ha!
I’m pretty flirty by nature {and the bf hates it!} but it’s probably because I really enjoy getting to know people and striking up conversations. I tend to smile and laugh a lot while talking so maybe …
But then again…
I also have the voice of a 5-year old and am also goofy like one too, so I’m not sure how much game I’ve got.
unfortunately i can’t help much in this department, as my flirting skills remind me of cher in “clueless” when she tries to toss her hair all sexily on the bed and awkwardly tumbles backwards onto the floor
That eye flirtation guide is priceless.
Compliments! Always always try to boost the ego but without being direct about it. Just be very casual as if it’s just a matter of fact comment. Another thing is to not take anything seriously. That’s the fun of flirting. You tease, he teases, and all just is light hearted and fun.
oh i hear you.
i’m the WORST flirter ever. in school whenever i liked a boy my flirts always came out in giant bossy-pants, i’m smart-than-you conversations. or everyone’s favorite….big-punch-to-the-stomach-hope-you-instead-notice-it-means-i-like-you-right?
signed,
late bloomer {married to my blind date}
B! I’m sure you are MUCH better at it than you are letting on!
I tend to be so nice and outgoing that most people take it the wrong way and think I’m flirting or hitting on them! Gah! Maybe I should send some of it your way!
As far as flirting tips: I always like to touch an arm here and there to really engage someone. Also, I think when there is a lot of laughter that is always a good thing too:)
Keep at it! And keep us updated:)
you know…there are that situation when you want to have everything under control, that boy should think you are perfect and than happens something totally akward? haaa… that s like i flirt, usually trying to be cute girlie and wonderful but than happens something weird..works!
you’re funny! I guess I don’t flirt for so long I kind of forgot what the steps are
The best way for me to put myself out there was always to show no interest when there was lots of it… don’t even know how I ended up married! great post.
whiskey totally helps, and if not with the flirting, it definitely helps with being direct. “you’re hot! what are you doing after this?…” not very smooth, but it gets the job done.
ha such a funny topic
The best move is not necessarily sly comments or sexy eye contact. One of my best friends does that and it works but attracts a different kind of guy – the playboys.
If I think about flirting from the reverse, what gets my attention, it might be just slightly more attention that everyone else in the group – just slightly. Physical contact is big. This guy I liked in school had his bracelet fall off, and he asked me to put it back on. I didn’t really know him well at the time, so that was really simple but created a moment between us. The number one way to make a connection is laughing. Act silly and laugh together. If everyone in a group is laughing having fun, find a way to share the experience directly by continuing on something he says.
Most of it is just natural friendliness and interest, but you know I find myself being cold in social situations because one of my greatest fears is to attract guys I’m not interested in. Seems like such a travesty. I was the densest fortress when my mister was trying to get my attention; poor thing, he finally just had to take me aside and say, “look! I like you, okay?!!” It was that bad – but the directness, courage, etc to do that was better than any flirting.
Brandi… I would love to give you advice, but I’m empty handed when it comes to flirting. I have been told that I definitely do NOT flirt with certain guys (whom I don’t want to like me/don’t like back) which is a good thing, but who knows when it’s the other way around?
I take it turn your friend who is a boy into a boyfriend plan” is not moving along as quickly as we had hoped? Oh dear. All I can say is be yourself and don’t force it. Maybe instead of flirting and beating around the bush you just come out with it? Tell him you like him. It’s as simple as that. Life is too short to be coy.
P.S. I meant to just add comment not reply to the previous comment. So this IS for you Brandi.
Brandi, I totally love that quote!
I was never very good at flirting…I just try to be nice to people (which sometimes leads to trouble because it’s taken the wrong way) – but I will tell you that being direct is sometimes way better than flirting.
When I meet Nick I thought I was flirting and I was getting no response. When I finally told him that I wanted to go on a date, he then realized what was going on…and now we are married. So just go for it. Tell that boy that you like him!
It’s all about looking him in the eye and not wavering. Sweet is wonderful because it makes it all the more shocking when you tell him exactly what you need or want or are wishing.
You know I’m a huge fan of just saying it. I think we don’t say enough of the words that are living in our brains. But a warning, sweet brandi: once you get the hang of it, you won’t want to stop.
xxx
I’ve been told that I was flirting when I didn’t think I was, and I think I just come off as awkward/nice when I actively try. And of course, some liquid courage– “several in a short period of time” (that made me laaaaugh)– can help the social situation, too.
All in all, I’m very social and love to laugh. But actual flirting? Damn, it’s hard because nothing is supposed to be out there and blunt. It’s all espionage of desire. I’d like to think that’s where fashion can come in and let the clothes do the talking for me.
Also, I *wink right eye* this post. It’s so relateable!
No tips from me! I am not the flirt at all…. or maybe in a different way. I bet you do, just more subtly, which is the best way!
I think by nature I am just a horrible flirter. If I sincerely like someone, I will go ahead and tell them straight up. I remind myself that I have nothing to lose. I once lived without them, and if they decide to walk out of my life because of my feelings, then I can live without them as I have done so before.
Aside from that I can never tell if someone is flirting with me. I guess I’m just awkward (or at least that’s what my boyfriend tells me) haha.
Ha! I’m pretty sure I’ve used my awkwardness as a seduction tool. I was always very direct though, I was the one that made the first move in my relationships. I just straight up asked guys for their contact information, and then hoped flipping my hair and some eye contact would work. Also random touchings of the arm and deep laughs–god I’m making myself gag by just typing this!
Hang in there Brandi, let’s go eat a cupcake soon.
Dude. I am the same way, don’t you worry, for you’re not alone. I am too nice & goofy to be flirty. Not aggressive in the slightest (I think we need to learn the word AGGRESSIVE to an extent!) Ha Ha
Maybe “Confidence” is a better word. BUT at the same time, maybe we SHOULD stay sweet & humble b/c then we MIGHT attract just the right guy for us… Mayybe 
We just haven’t met him, yet!
Well, I am certainly no expert but, I am sure that you are the sweetest thing around and any guy would be lucky to snag you! What about this….you bake him one of your most decadent and delicious desserts and then tell him, in no uncertain terms, that you only bake this particular dessert for people you really like and want to get to know better….:)
xo
Melis
I’m a bit shy to give real life examples of how awkward I am at this game in the comments section, so all I will say is I am so with you on this, so I can’t give you any advice on the matter. I get so shy I usually avoid eye contact with good looking prospects in bars or at parties. It’s bad all around. And, if I do talk to a possible prospect, until I’m really fully comfortable with that person I will giggle way too much and can’t stop. So awkward! You’re in good company though!
I’ve never thought of myself as someone who excels at flirting but my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and I recently asked him why he was attracted to me in the first place. He said it was because I was smiling. He spotted me as I walked into a party and said he couldn’t draw his eyes away from me because I was smiling and bubbly and easily approachable. So I guess my point is to smile and be yourself, as cliché as that sounds.
I have to admit, I’ve got a bit of game. Happy to share some learned skills this summer…we’ll plan a few outings and you can practice on the yummy NYC bachelors.
Being sweet is so much better than being flirtatious!!! And that quote made me laugh so much, I am absolutely using from now on!!
that being said, people ALWAYS think I’m flirting with them when I’m just being polite… If only I could harness some of that skill for when I needed it!
But like I said, being the sweetest girl ever is going to win over any sweet guy, winking or no winking
Not good at this m’dear. I don’t even know how to flirt back. When the mr, proposed, I said “Are you serious”. Bad reply! Why did I say that?! It does look like Amy’s got you covered on this one.
That flirting guide is too funny!
I was never any good at flirting. Good thing my husband and I were friends before we ever started dating
A hilarious flirting guide… and i’m with you on the flirting, defs not my strong point!
well…back when I ‘was’ flirting
… eye contact and a smile,… {sheesh, I need to get out more and take my own advice}.. and those extra eye contact seconds work…the sweet {you’ve got that nailed} “you’re the only one who has my attention” eye contact… 
ohh, and cooking and food talk never hurt… you know…”the fastest way to a man’s heart… “
My mom always told me that all a girl has to do to get a guy is flatter him by acting incredibly interested in him as a person. Funny, if you really are interested you won’t have to act, right? It sounds super simple, but I think she was onto something.
Oh…and eye contact…hold the gaze for as long as you can.
I like the topic, Brandi
I agree with stonehouselove ..iot’s easy.. just be yourself 
happy Friday
this post reminds me of tina fey on 30 rock for some reason. i don’t even remember how to flirt (or how i used to flirt) cause my husband and i have been together for so long. he says when we first met i leaned over to grab something and he swears i was trying to show him my boobs (or the non-existence of them). if all else fails, show some cleavage i guess.
side note: anyone who reads this is now thinking i’m a little whore. if you knew me at all, you would realize how far from the truth this is.
Touch him gently on the arm when you talk through out the convo….contact is always good. But i touch everyone cuz that’s me so lots of folks probably think I like them…oh well.
I love how all your married/in-a-relationship friends say they’re not good at flirting. Obviously, they were good at something; they somehow clicked with the person they’re with. And I think that’s the catch – there’s no one-size-fits-all guide to flirting. What catches the eye of one person may not work for another. Some people are attracted to strong personalities who match them wit-for-wit in a teasing exchange. Others prefer the quieter demeanor of a talented listener.
In terms of flirtatious acts, I’ve had guys cite smiling, hair flipping, getting just inside their personal space – leaning, standing, reaching across (close enough that they can smell your hair) – touching, and eye contact as things that have drawn them in (and you know I’m far from a pathological flirt.) The bottom line, I think, is that those are cues that tell the guy you’re into him – and that makes him feel more confident, which makes him more likely to flirt back. This is key because, to me, flirting is a game for two. There’s a difference between flirting *with* someone and flirting *at* them.
Flirting alone is like drinking alone – it’s a little sad. We’ve all seen the girl who fawns over the guy – touching incessantly, laughing at everything he says, making inappropriate invitations – when the guy could clearly care less. And we feel uncomfortable for her (or angry if she’s flirting at the guy we want.) Flirting *with* someone, at least in my experience, starts more slowly and is about fanning a spark into a flame. It’s like building a campfire – you can use different things to get a spark (a smile, a hair flip, a compliment) and there are always accelerants (e.g. alcohol) that will make the fire grow faster, but the advice I’ve gotten is to slowly, gradually add the tinder, the kindling and the fuel, all the while giving the fire air. The trick is balance – you add too much kindling too fast and you overwhelm the small flame. You add the fuel too fast and the fire erupts but doesn’t last. With air, well you don’t build a fire into the wind, but you don’t want to smother it either; after all, if there’s no oxygen, the fire won’t burn.
If all else fails, 1) ask for help – tell your girlfriends you’re trying to build a fire. Get them to block the wind so you can light the match (hehe, no pun intended.) And 2) be direct – “Do you want to have dinner with me sometime?” If the guy knows anything about you and your culinary prowess, he won’t be able to resist.
just be your sweet self. if you have to flirt then you wouldn’t be you. your sweetness will attract the right guy when the time comes. : )
happy weekend sweet friend!
xo,
alely
I’m kind of flirty by nature – I think sometimes it’s just who you are. I think you’re wonderful how you are – just be yourself and guys will respond to that!! No need to worry about flirting – just show your natural passion for hte things you love – people are drawn in to that
i’ve missed commenting on so much of your posts, my dear. you are too cute with that second print/quote!
uhm, yeah. flirting isn’t really my thing. but it looks like you got great advice.
trust that your good nature, easy smile and your sweet charm is absolutely all you need!
Hi, just found your blog
My advice is, and some have said this, eye contact. Don’t be afraid of it.
I guess I didn’t use to want boys to know I liked them, which doesn’t make sense.
You have to put yourself out there and be confident. If he doesn’t flirt back, it’s his problem!